I am unhappy with my husband but scared for my son’s well being –

QUERY: My relationship with my husband has soured over the last 5 years, particularly during the quarantine. I dont know if I should stay in an unhealthy relationship just so that my child (6 years old) has a normal-looking and normal-feeling family life (from the outside), although I don’t know how much he has been scarred by witnessing the fights (just us 3 in the house). He is close to both me and my husband, n I dont know if I should be selfish enough and make him choose one parent. The feeling that bothers me is my child is looking at a non-supportive marital relationship and growing up thinking it is normal. What is worse is he might want to emulate the same when he grows up and I just don’t want him to do that. I’m looking for advise in making a decision toward the betterment of my child: emotionally. I have not discussed the legal stuff with any counselor yet.


ANSWER BY DR RACHNA K SINGH:

Hi,

Thank you for writing to us.

I’m sorry for this situation that you’re in, I understand that the last couple of years have been tough. Furthermore, it seems like the pandemic has made it worse for you and your family. A lot of people are experiencing heightened turbulences in their relationships during this time, but I’m glad you realise how this could have an impact on your child and hence are looking for an emotionally stable environment for him to grow up in. From what you’ve shared, I also understand why you may be worried about him emulating the same bitter behaviour he’s observing. It is natural to feel what you are feeling right now, given the difficult predicament you’re in.

Firstly, I would recommend that your son receives personal attention from both parents. It may be a good idea to communicate and have a personal bond with your child. You must also make sure neither you nor your spouse bad mouths each other to your child and your fights should take place away from him. If possible, the three of you could also play board games or activities that don’t involve too much talking but help feel like a family unit. That being said, five years is a long time for disturbances to occur. I recommend you seek therapy or reach out to a counsellor for professional guidance to enhance your relationships. Good luck!

Hope this helps

Feel free to reach out

Stay Home and Stay Safe

Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh

HOD – Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon

Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert

Director – The Mind & Wellness Studio, New Delhi

If you have a parenting query to share, send it to us at times.parenting@gmail.com

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